• Christina Peña

F*&! 2020

This might show my age but have you ever heard the song Fuck 2020? It has been my motto since I found it trending on Tik Tok months ago. It’s easy to push down all we have dealt with this year. But there is a lyric in this song that has always stuck out to me. It goes “Can we just skip 2021?” Do you really want to just skip ahead? I don’t know about you but 2020 has given me a lot more than it’s taken.

I have found space and a moment to just breathe. When I look back at the woman I was in March I get frustrated. She was screaming for someone to let her out, but was scared at what that would do to her reputation. Or her chance to work a dream job. Or just her overall safety. I was so blissfully unaware of the harm I was causing myself by living in a world of the endless cycle I had created.

I have heard people say that 2020 has changed them in ways that they never thought possible. I knew my change was possible. I just had to give myself permission to go through the good, the bad, and the ugly of it.

Change is hard. It does not happen overnight. It is okay to struggle. But to get to the other side you have to go through the forest of change. It is dark, scary, and if you don’t want to turn back a few times then you haven’t gone in deep enough. I have been through this forest and I think the only reason I got through it was the people I chose to be around me. I have taken time this year to curate a group of individuals in my life that bring me so much joy. They constantly inspire me, challenge me, and make me a better person. Some of my greatest gifts of 2020 are people that I have never met in person.

Isn’t that crazy to say?

We have spent so long believing that you cannot make genuine connections over the internet. I mean I have watched too many seasons of 90 Day Fiancé to not question it myself. But that’s the gift of growing. Sometimes it happens so fast. Almost like when a ladybug lands on you. It’s a super lucky magical moment, that if you blink too fast you might miss.

2020 has not been without its struggles. There were 3000 deaths in the US alone yesterday. For that people will never recover. So do your part. As we go back into lockdown here in California and as the first snow falls in New York City, I wonder what’s next? What’s our new reality? How can we take the individual change and turn it into a social movement?

These are just a few of the questions that keep me up at night. But you know what doesn’t, the idea of skipping ahead. If I skipped ahead, I wouldn’t have gotten to see so many friends start thriving careers. I wouldn’t have seen Kamala Harris get elected. I wouldn’t have spent the last 9 months with my family. And I wouldn’t have met such incredible people.

Next time you want to skip ahead and not live through it, think about what you will miss.

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